17 posts tagged “boyfriend”
My life where it is these days, really isn't half bad.
And I guess you could say, there's this boy too. :)
I have a day job at a dealership I think should be followed for King of Cars 2.
I'm recovering from a whirl wind of a 2008, picking up the pieces and dusting some things under the rug. It gets really rough in this life of mine, but I'm a trooper. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and I can feel the strength building up inside of me.
I have been single for 1 day now. 24 hours, 25 if we're being exact.
I haven't yet been able to gage how exactly it is that I'm feeling, other than weird.
I was on the phone with my best friend for quite a while last night. She couldn't believe how normal I sounded. I don't know if it has just not sunk in yet. Today I reached for my phone a couple of times to call him, but quickly stopped myself when i realized what I was doing and why it wasn't appropriate.
On the other hand, I missed my stop by quite a few on the train this morning and had to go back the opposite way. My mind wanders. I had to turn off my iPod after that train ride because I haven't yet changed the songs. The problem with my musical taste is that on certain Dashboard Confessional songs are suitable listening content for such an occasion, same goes for Postal Service and Death Cab for Cutie.
I've been prone to sudden random outbursts of wildly uncontrollable tears.
Oh, hear they come now.
I can't believe this shit. People are starting to ask what happened, quite possibly the worst part of breaking up is having to retell the story over, and over to have people leave you alone. I've decided on the simplest, most thought provoking response.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you"
You wouldn't. It's so unthinkable, so disappointing, so shocking, and so hurtful. Completely and utterly disrespectful and unacceptable.
I'd almost rather he had cheated on me.
What he did was worse.
Hey guys! How's it goin'?
I had a great ten days in Newfoundland. Naturally there was a bit of wedding drama, but for the most part, I think everyone had a great time.
Random though, I've now been to Toronto twice, for only 45 minutes, and I never left the airport. I've always wanted to go there, does that even count? Hah. We had a layover in Toronto after 4 and a half hours from Vancouver, and then another 3 hours and a bit from Toronto to St. John's. We got in at midnight, and I was exhausted. I really don't like flying. I'm 5 foot 11. My legs don't fit in the tiny space they give me, and for some reason, either there, or back, I always end up in the middle. WTF.
Everyday we were there was busy. I'll try and sum it up from what I can remember.
July 18th: Jet lag. Went to Cape Spear where we saw whales, light houses, beautiful scenery, and an old army base. Later that day the girls all met for the bridal shower. Lots of food, and silly games. After the shower, we went to a BBQ & bon fire at a friend's.
July 19th: We took it easy, and for the first time had lunch at Jungle Jim's, which I will also be telling you about later on because I am now obsessed with this restaurant, and made my boyfriend eat there 4 times and take a picture of me posing with the sign. That night was the rehearsal dinner.
July 20th: In the afternoon I went to the spa with the rest of the ladies and had a manicure, pedicure, and make-up consultation. That night the boyfriend and I went to George Street for the first time.
July 21st: The big day! Dad's wedding! I was at the hotel bright and early to have my hair and make-up done. The wedding was at 2PM. I walked my dad down the isle. The wedding was beautiful, but so emotional, Everyone was crying, the only relief from it was my little 18 month old cousin Emily, who after being the world's cutest flower girl, pranced around the stage trying to get back the attention through the whole ceremony. We went for pictures, and then came back for dinner and dancing.
July 22nd: Considering we didn't get back to our hotel until 3AM the night before, we slept in. We didn't really do anything except have dinner, and get together with the rest of the family to open the wedding cards & gifts.
From the 23rd-27th, I can't really remember the day by day, I know we went a lot of places, and did a lot of things. So, here's some pictures.
I have over 300 pictures on my computer, so I just randomly went through and picked some of my favourites.
Today is one of those days when you wake up at 11AM and realize that there is no real reason to get out of bed. So I wandered upstairs, grabbed myself a tasty snack, wandered back downstairs to my suite, and got back into bed. The chances of me even leaving the house today are slim. It's pouring rain outside, so I wont even go for a little walk.
I'm thinking about getting a second job. I just might go insane working only three days a week for the next four months. Granted, I am glad that I'm not stressed to hell with school anymore, I feel completely useless when I don't have a jam packed schedule. I've been updating my resume and looking at ads in the paper. A restaurant down the street is hiring servers, so I think I'm going to apply there. I can't handle this boredom. I've already cleaned the entire house, signed up for and become addicted to facebook (help...), did all of my laundry (3 loads), watched a lot of tv, gone to the gym a bunch of times... do you see where this is going? I'm all out of ideas. I need another job. It's not even about the money, but it would be cool to make twice as much as I already do. Haha.
I do have one thing productive to do today. I need to find an alternative to my boyfriend and I's original anniversary get away. I have to figure something out and quick because it's only a couple of weeks away. I hate doing everything last minute, I was so happy we had this figured out months in advanced. UGH.
Yesterday was my last day of classes, and tomorrow is my first exam. Yesterday's class was the worst to drag myself to, I was exhausted and just wanted to get it over with so I could go back home and relax. My instructor started the class of by giving gifts to those with perfect attendance, naturally, I didn't get one. Then she went on to say she wanted to recognize those with "outstanding work" during the semester, first she was talking about another girl who got top marks despite English being her second language, which I think is amazing, she really deserved it. Then, she went on to talk about someone who got consistently high marks on all assignments, and who's work was a pleasure to read and grade. This is where she says "that person is Amber". "What? Me? Thanks you!" was my response. I couldn't believe she was talking about me! It made my day. It's nice to be recognized for all of your hard work and effort. I know I worked very hard, and I'm very happy to see that it shows. She gave me a book, the book is one that I was given the first chapter from to write one of my papers on. Wayson Choy's "The Jade Peony". I'm excited to start reading it. She also wrote a message in the book for me as well, which made me smile.
Today I slept in until about 10AM, which was amazing for me. It was hard to do though, my body woke me up at 6AM and didn't want to let me sleep some more, after that I woke up at 7:30, 8, 9 and finally gave in at 10. When I got up I had to tiding the house, did the dishes, organized some of my books, etc. As nice as it is going to be to have 3 or 4 months off from school, I think I just might go crazy not having anything to do with myself during the day. I'm the kind of person who needs to be doing something with themselves or else I feel completely useless and depressed. I'm going to have to find some things for me to do. I'm already getting back into the gym, but I can't do that all the time or else I might kill myself.
Today is day three of my boyfriend being gone. I got to talk to him last night for only a couple of minutes, long enough to know that he's doing well, and that he misses me a lot. I'm too much of a sap though, I was crying through most of the conversation. I could never be in a long distance relationship, a week is too much for me. I secretly hate his new job, but he's making a ridiculous amount of money, so I know that it is good for him.
I have two classes left. Just two. Tonight is my last Sociology class and tomorrow is my last Canadian Lit class. I finished my Sociology research report and I'm leaving in an hour to hand it in. I had two assignments due for My Fiction class before or at the final exam, and I handed those in this morning to get them out of the way. Sometimes I wonder what I'm going to write about after all of my exams are over. I'm going to have nothing to say except hooray!
The sun is shining, it looks beautiful outside, until you step out there. It's freezing cold, but that's not going to get me down. I'm just glad I don't need an umbrella.
My boyfriend got a new job now that he has his level three first aid... which is also the level one EMT. He has a new job, I'm very happy for him. Unfortunately, he starts his new job tonight, as in he's going down there to pick up the ambulance and driving it four hours away to the work site he'll be stationed at until Saturday. I'm still happy for him. Obviously my disappointment has to be suppressed, he's totally excited, and he's going to be making three times the amount he made at his last job plus almost a hundred bucks a night extra to cover expenses of being away from home. It's only for a few days, but it's still going to suck. I hope all of the sites he works on aren't going to be this far away.
The plus side to my boyfriend being out of town (that sounded horrible) is that it's right around exam time, so instead of having tons to do and going to see him instead, I'll be able to study for my exams and finish reading "Pride and Prejudice".
Speaking of "Pride and Prejudice"... with all of the papers I've had to do in the past two weeks, I have only managed to make it about 30 pages into the book, while my class finished it today. The whole final exam is on the book, ugh. I am really not enjoying it. Usually, I love to read, but this book is just not for me.
I bought myself some new shoes to keep my company while my boyfriend is away (insert girly giggle and snort here)
AND
I've never been a huge fan of chocolate, so when I was a kid my favorite Easter treat was Marshmallow Peeps. They were sold everywhere around Easter time until a couple years back when I stopped seeing them. This year I was determined to find them, I searched everywhere, high and low but couldn't find them anywhere. I was heartbroken that I couldn't salvage that little piece of childhood happiness. Tonight as I was slaving over one of three term papers my boyfriend called me. "Guessss Whhaaatttt...." he says. I said "what?" with no clue about what he could be so excited about "I found Peeps! And I got them for you!". It's hilarious how excited I was. I still haven't opened the box. I'm waiting for just the right moment to enjoy them.
I'm going to be working A LOT in the next week or so. They've changed my hours on Saturdays from 9-6 to 8-4. I loose an hour of sleep, and I loose an hour of pay. I wasn't impressed, and I was less impressed when the originally wanted it to be 9-4, which would have meant I would make around $100 less each month. Obviously I wasn't taking that without a fight, so we "compromised" with 8-4. I wont complain, at least I'm off before the sun goes down. Our day time receptionist is going on vacation for her birthday/easter holiday (which I already complained about a couple entries back) long story short, instead of 30 hours from the 31st to the 9th I'll be working 45.5 hours.
Countdown to the end of the semester: 12 days. Assignment checklist: 7 page essay on "Three Day Road" for Canadian Lit (finished, just needs final read over/edit), 5 page essay on "White Teeth" (half finished) and two 1 page reading responses (no started) for Fiction Studies, Sociology 5 page Research paper on the effects of Cosmopolitan magazine on female appearance and performance ideals (not started, but this is going to be a blast to do). It's a lot, but I don't think I'll have any problem. Once I get the two essays handed in at the beginning of next week it should be smooth sailing.
Now, I'm off to bed, I need to be up and moving for 6 tomorrow. I'll be at the boyfriend's for the weekend, and we're spending Sunday evening with my Grandmother. See you Monday!
I've had a few interesting things happen over the past few days, a few revelations, a few interesting thoughts, and some few minutes of bathroom stall cries. In the end, I'm alright for now. We'll see.
Despite all of these things, It's difficult to stay frazzled when you're the girlfriend of a serial flower giver. Especially when they say things like "Beautiful flowers for a Beautiful girl" when they give them. Unfortunately, flowers bring a smile to my face, but they can't fix my life's problems.
I'm a perfectionist and a control freak. I need to have control over every aspect of my life, because control means that I am alright. Control means that the loss of my best friend, the absence of a mother, and the fact that I hardly get to see the most important person in my life don't effect what people see of me. Control means I appear together, and that there is nothing hiding deep inside.
This applies to every aspect of my life: school, work, family, and anyone who reads what I write here even once. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work the way I hope it will or think it should. Sometimes I strive for so much control that I loose control. I put up walls, and I hide a lot of things about myself from a lot of people when I really should talk about them. But I don't think I'll ever be able to.
This isn't a sob story, so the next thing I am going to say should only be connected ever so slightly with the last few paragraphs.
I failed my Political Science midterm. I am the only one in the class who failed. Last night he started class by saying "I have graded your exams. There was one failure (pause.... look Amber in the eyes) The rest of you had top marks." I failed. I have never failed anything in my life. I am the person who sees B+ or A- and feels she could have done better. I left class at the break. I went to the ladies room, folded down the lid, and cried. I'm too hard on myself sometimes, but when I loose control, everything crumbles. The perfectionist in me is ruthless. I calculated the marks required to pull it off, and with the mark I recieved my 3.5 GPA would go down the drain if I fought it out and finished the course. Tonight I sat down with my father and my stepmother and hashed out the situation. They were very understanding. My parent's aren't the kind to force doing well in school. That's not where my perfectionism comes from. They love me with Cs they love me the same with As.
I "withdrew" from Political Science.
Part of my feels like a failure and a coward. The larger part feels like I made a responsible decision and dealt with it by looking into the future and seeing what is better. With a "W" on my transcript, the class does not affect my GPA, and when I transfer to SFU in 2 semesters, it will be ignored. I feel confident in my decision, but dissapointed in myself. The fact of the matter is that Political Science just isn't my thing, I'm a Psych major, what was I thinking?
So, since I can't spend my night with my boyfriend I have a date with my book and my Teddy. I would be lieing if I said that I wasn't growing increasingly frustrated with our conflicting schedules, but we just keep telling ourselves that it isn't forever, and if we play our cards right, one day, we'll be able to spend every night together. Untill then, I have my Teddy. Everyday for the past eighteen years, and I'm not ashamed to say that he has a few more years ahead of him.
I had a nice, slightly relaxing weekend. Of coarse my idea of relaxing is having enough free time at work to get a good amount of school work done, and then hanging out with my boyfriend on Saturday night and Sunday morning. It's kind of weird how I can find homework relaxing. Usually it's only the English readings and psych notes that do it for me though. I have a really long to do list for this week. I have assignments, presentations, readings, etc.
I got home at 11:30AM and made my to do list for the day. 13 items long. It's a good thing I'm motivated today. Unusually motivated, actually. Not only did a get a good amount of school work done, I did housework too. I did my laundry, now that is an accomplishment, I have a problem with putting off doing the laundry until it is spilling all over the floor and there is nothing left in my dresser drawers to put on. Through all of this, I am eating my favourite (almost) healthy snacks. The thing about having health nut parents with a love of organics is that you get to enjoy your favourite snacks (in moderation) and feel less guilty than you would over a bag of Lays.
Now I have just under half an hour until I have to get to work. I would be lieing if I said I was excited about going to work tonight. I'm more motivated to stay at home than I am to go to work. I need the money though, so I go.
